New Species of SUPER PIGS are Threatening to Invade the United States

The Independent - A mass of Canadian ‘super pigs’ are threatening to breach the US border, but northern states are putting tactics in place to stop this wild hog invasion.

Super pigs have appeared in Alberta, Saskatchewan, and Manitoba in Canada after crossbreeding between different pig species created their super-swine form.

The pigs have been destroying crops and degrading water quality, but there is no stopping these feral hogs as they also can breed excessively and continue to multiply in their masses, according to the University of Saskatchewan.

That was one of the most memorable days of Twitter for me. In the midst of a raging gun debate following a terrible mass shooting in Dayton, Ohio, William McNabb posed what is probably the best argument I've ever heard for why Americans should be allowed to own assault weapons. WHAT ABOUT THE FERAL HOGS?!? Feral hogs are a menace. They're terribly invasive. They breed like rabbits. You can shoot one in the face with a hand gun and the bullet will bounce of it's skull. Then the hog and his 29-49 of it's friends will proceed to eat your entire family as they play croquet in their backyard. 

But that's enough politics. This is about Canada inability to control their super pigs. I really like that we're calling them "super pigs" now, as opposed to feral hogs. A lot of people aren't familiar with how dangerous feral hogs can be. But if you tell anybody that a gang of viscous super pigs are going to invade us, that's gonna get their attention. 

“Wild pigs are ecological train wrecks. They are prolific breeders, making them an extremely successful invasive species,” said Ruth Aschim, a PhD student from the university who led research on the super pig species.

The researchers called the mutant wild pigs “the most prolific invasive mammal in Canada.”

What the hell is going on in Canada lately? Half the place is on fire. Their smoke is covering entire American states. Now their new species of murder pigs are knocking at our door. Do we need to build a new wall? Do we even have a wall up there? Or is it just a series of cops on horseback thanking people for visiting Canada as they cross the border. Get your shit together Canada.

Assuming they won't get their shit together, and American's are about to be inundated with feral hogs, we're gonna need a plan. I'm assuming taming them is out of the question. But I think we can use them to our advantage. Speaking of borders… I say we use them to protect our northern one. Before the pigs get here, instead of building an expensive wall, we dig a giant trench along the border of US and Canada. We gradually lead the pigs into the trench. Now they're stuck. We keep them fed down there. We give them a good life. Let them multiply by the hundreds of thousands until the trench is full of super pigs from sea to sea. Nobody is getting over that illegally. Good luck trying to cross the border now, Canadians. 

I don't think waves of Canadians crossing our border illegally is actually a problem our country needs to address, but I kinda think that idea would work. Get two birds stoned at once. Anyways, watch out for the super pigs. They're on their way.